Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Terrorists got nothin' on Mom's

I watched an episode of Law & Order SVU last night. At least I think it was last night. This week has kind of been a blur. Anyway it was about how they used torture to get info out of people. I got to thinkin' about that. The terrorists got nothin' on a Mom. Mom's perform & receive torture every day. We have all heard these lovely words come out of our kids mouth. "Your gonna make me do/eat/wear that? This is torture! Here are some forms of torture that have been known to work with kids. You new Mom's might want to print these out.

1. Make them eat ALL of their dinner. Even the 10 spoonfuls of cottage cheese THEY insisted they wanted AND put on their own plate.

2. Insist they take a shower/bath, even if they already took one this week.

3. No you are not wearing the dogs collar to school even if everyone else is doing it.

4. Make them walk to school. After all we had to do it & it was 5 miles & uphill both ways, remember?

5. Pick out your clothes AND make your lunch BEFORE going to bed, not 5 minutes before you have to leave for school.

6. Make them turn down the volume of the music so that only they can hear it. The entire neighborhood doesn't want to listen to that!

7. They should carry their dirty clothes all the way to hamper, which in our case is right outside her door. But apparently it's too far.

8. Make them go to bed a a decent hour. This is a goodie!

9. Wear a winter coat in the winter & shorts in the summer.

10. And lastly my favorite. Get up when your alarm goes off.

These 10 things are guaranteed to torture your child. AND the best part is that you can't get arrested for this type of torture. It sneaks in just under the law.

Here are some forms of torture that us Moms go though everyday.

1. Eating most meals cold.

2. Making sure the kids are dressed for the weather but forgetting to put on your own winter coat/boots/shoes. I have been known to go out in slippers because I was so busy dressing kids that I forgot to put my own shoes on.

3. Going without a shower because there just isn't time for one today. Having this happen several days is in a row is a bad thing.

4. Knowing exactly what time Clifford/Dora/Blues Clues comes on but having no idea what time your favorite show starts.

5. Going without because one of your kids or the husband needs something.

6. Pushing a 5lb-10lb(or more) baby out of a hole the size of a pea. nuf' said.

7. Carrying 1 toddler, 7 bags of groceries & 2 gallons of milk into the house at one time because you only want to make 1 trip and you KNOW you aren't gonna get any help.

8. Showering with 1 or more kids. When was the last time your loving husband took a shower with a kid?

9. Never going to the bathroom alone. Or if you do manage to get in there alone you get a kid pounding on the door yelling,"Mom what are you doing in there?" "Can I come in"?

10. Having to hide in the laundry room with the door shut & the light off just so you can be alone for a few seconds before they find you.

11. Going through every kids name, the husband & the dog before you get to the right one you are yelling at.

The list goes on & on. These are just a few. Remember & enjoy.

I'm gonna go hide in the laundry room for a few minutes.

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