Sunday, September 30, 2007
Multi tasking
"I can't, I'm watching tv." Is the answer I get. Hello?? I can't remember the last time I just got to watch tv & not be doing something else. I am usually folding clothes. That's a never ending battle around here. I have also been known to look over football, basketball or track paperwork while watching tv. And I know if I had a laptop I could surf the net while watching tv. Although I bet a kid could do that one.
So how come I am the only one in the house who can do 2 things at once? There is only 1 answer to that question.
I'm the Mom, that's why.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Queenie the great
This was about a year ago & the Princess was in the tub with every toy we own. Her hair was already washed but there was creme rinse in it. I went into the kitchen to put away the bread from dinner. Didn't want Bailey the Wonder Dog to eat it.
I hear a scream coming from the bathroom. I run in only to discover that the Princess has pooped in the tub. Not a good poop either. Know what I'm sayin? She was scared to death. It was not a tiny poop & of course it got all over every toy we own. She still has creme rinse in her hair too. I scooped out all the toys & put them into the sink & let the water out. Now I have to use the removable shower head to rinse the creme rinse out of her hair. It didn't go well. Lots of screaming,"You're getting me wet!" Duh. What did she think was gonna happen? I managed to rinse her hair without the neighbors calling DCFS. The Princess can really scream & it was warm out so the windows were open.
I was really please that Queenie was able to give her a shower without any problems. It was such a fun time in there that she insisted on showering with me this morning.
Great, showering was my only shot at any alone time. I lost the "going to the bathroom alone" a long time ago. But I could still shower by myself. Now that's gone too. **sigh**
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Bandaids & bribery
Now for the fun part. I grab a foot as it flies past my face hoping that I have the right one. I might only get one shot at this. Great I have the right foot, now I just have to try to focus my old eyes on the sliver. I locate it just under the big toe. It's on a bendy part of the toe too. This is gonna be tough. She of course is screaming her head off & I haven't actually touched it yet. Getting her to hold still is not easy. With all the flailing going on I hope I don't lose an eye. As I get her foot close to my face so I can see it, she kicks me in the nose. This is so much fun. I try again. I finally manage to get the sliver out. Not sure how I did it though. The kick to my nose almost put me in a coma. I have no memory of removing it.
After all the fun we get to pick out a special princess bandaid. We get one for the actual owie & 2 more just for being so brave. I'm so glad she was brave about it. This could of gotten really ugly if she chose to fight me. **sigh**
So to recap, I have successfully removed a sliver, almost lost an eye & barely escaped a coma. But on the plus side I did get a bandaid for being so brave. It's an Ariel one & I get to wear it proudly on my arm where it will remove all the hair when it gets ripped off.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
$50.00 later
Today I went to Walmart for Pepsi & soap. $53.43 later I left the store. There is a force in that store that makes you buy stuff that you had no intention of buying. First I went to get the soap. On the way I noticed toothbrushes on sale. Grabbed a few of those. Then I remembered I just put the last bottle of shampoo in the shower. Got shampoo. And so it goes. By the time I actually get to the Pepsi isle the bottom of my cart is full. The Princess spotted the Lunchables so I get her one. It's not bad if you only have to buy 1 Lunchable. It's when you have to buy 4 or 5 at a time that they get pricey! As I work my way to the checkout more things seem to jump in my cart. I hate it when that happens. It's like shopping with Pookie. When I shop with him I find all kinds of stuff when unloading the cart. It's usually something sweet. Dots or something equally nutritious. And he has no idea how any of it got into the cart either.
With all the money that I have spent in Walmart I think they should name a wing after me.
Monday, September 24, 2007
The Princess & the hottie
When you wait in line that long you start to chat with everyone around you. I was chatting with a Mom behind me who had a son Queenie's age. The Princess was getting REALLY bored after waiting this long. By this time we had been in line over an hour & it was not looking good. Queenie was wonderful with her. Taking her over to a counter so she could color, taking her for a million drinks out of the drinking fountain & to the bathroom several times. I couldn't do those things with her. I couldn't lose my place in line you know. **wink wink**
Now I am holding the Princess & she is throwing her body backwards trying to do a back flip out of my arms. I am trying to hang on because I know if she lands on her head I will have to take her to the ER & I will lose my place in line. Any one who has waited in line forever with a little one knows exactly what I am thinking here. If I stay in line with a broken & bleeding kid it just looks bad. I'm just sayin'.
All of a sudden she stops her back flip attempts, sits up looks at the guy behind me & says in her most quietest inside voice(haha the Princess only has 1 volume, loud)
MOM, HE'S A HOTTIE
Of course just when she said that it got really quiet in there & everyone with ears heard her.
I look at the poor guy & he is turning several shades of red. Queenie & her friend are laughing & so is everyone who heard her. It was impossible not to hear her. The boys Mom is laughing too. I was trying not to laugh too much. I felt bad for the poor kid. I know he was embarrassed. At this age you like to blend in, not be singled out as a hottie by a 3 year old in front of tons of people. I told him that he has just been declared a hottie by a 3 year old. That's a honor. I'm sure he was wondering what planet I came from & when was I going back.
After waiting in line for an hour & a half it was finally our turn. Turns out that the ring she wants STARTS at $379.00. That is before you add all the cool stuff like your year, name & whatever sport you play. We picked another one & spent just under $100.00. That I can live with.
I managed to walk all 3 miles at the Alzheimer's Memory Walk & I got a snazzy purple t-shirt because I did it. Over $45.000 was raised. Not just by me, I'm not that good! Thank you to everyone who donated. It's for a wonderful cause.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Alzheimer's Disease
I am going to shamelessly ask for donations. There I said it. I wasn't going to but I did. If you want more information about the walk you can go to http://tinyurl.com/2ke5to
If you would like to donate to my team leave a comment with your e-mail address & I can get you the information. It is very easy to do. It is all done online.
Alzheimer's is a horrible disease. For family & friends all we want is for it to be over. But then if it is over our Loved One is gone & we don't want that either. We are between a rock & a hard place.
Ok I have stepped off my soapbox. Thanks for listening.
I promise to write something funny tomorrow. :0)
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Tinkles & FlutterPonies
A few weeks ago I asked her if she wanted juice. She looked at me & said,"No Mom, I'm good."
I keep forgetting that she is really a 15 yr old little girl in a 3yr old body. She can sing the words to several songs that Queenie listens to. Most of then I have never heard of, but that's ok. I'm a Mom & I don't get out much. Queenie & the Princess have a little game going on. Whenever Queenie says "Sweet", the Princess will answer "totally". It's pretty cute to listen too.
My favorite conversation so far happened two nights ago. I was in the bathroom with her drying her off after her bath. Here is how it went.
Princess: "Mom do Tinkles come out of my butt?"
Me: "Yes they do."
Princess: "Do PooPoo's come out of my butt?"
Me: "Yes they do."
Princess: "Do FlutterPonies come out of my butt?"
Me: "Um, no they don't."
Princess: "Can I have a pop tart?"
I was trying so hard not to laugh. The FlutterPony thing came out of no where. I didn't expect her to ask that. But then again I don't expect her to say a lot of the stuff that she says.
I hope one day I can remember this conversation so I can tell her about it.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Mom, we're out of soap!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I love Monday's
Nemo has to be on her pillow, Calliou goes next to her. Cup sits between the pillow & bed rail. Plastic Pringles from her kitchen live under her pillow just in case the Tooth Fairy comes while she is sleeping. (I have no idea why the Tooth Fairy is collecting chips now.) A microphone in case we want to sing before we go to sleep, Mickey goes on her other side. There are also various kitchen utensils from her kitchen. Just in case she feels the need to cook I guess. Then on top of everything goes her yellow blanket. Yellow blanket is really a Baby Bop green & pink blanket that Queenie made for her. Because it is the same colors as Baby Bop, it became Yellow Blanket. Makes perfect sense to me.
The last & most important thing is her YaYa. It is really a Taggie from taggie.com
I have no idea why she calls it a YaYa. She has always called it that.
Rule #1 You must NEVER go to sleep with out your YaYa. If you do all Hell will break loose.
Rule #2 NEVER lose the Yaya.
Easier said then done let me tell you. She loves to hide it inside of things. I have gone on a search & destroy mission more then once at night looking for the darn thing. Nothing like playing Hide & seek at 9:30 at night. It's big fun.
The Princess takes a great nap on her nice & clean bed, on top of everything this time.
"Not under Mom, on top".
When she gets up she informs me that she needs new pants because hers are wet. I go into her room only to discover that the bed I painstakingly made a few hours ago is soaked & I get to wash it again.
Lucky me.
I love Mondays.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Can I drive?
We have 2 vehicle's that she can drive. A small pickup truck & a tank. She went driving for the first time in the pickup. She said it went well. Pookie said different. Although there are no dents in the truck & Pookie wasn't shaking as bad as I thought he would be, so I think it went well. They were gone for over an hour which I thought was pretty good for the first time. They have to have 50 hours behind the wheel with a parent. 10 of those must be night driving. Smitty only had to have 25 & I thought those were hard to do. Getting 50 is going to be really tough. I think we will be getting them 5 mins at a time too. We are already getting the standard response for everything we have to leave the house for.
"Can I drive?"
She has only had her permit since Friday & I already hate those 3 little words.
I took her driving 1 time over the weekend. I needed to go to Aldi & she drove me. It was the longest trip of my life. Aldi is really only 5 mins or so away from the house. I took her the only way I could so that she would NOT be on the highway. I didn't think she was ready for the highway. I was right. Plus it was the first time she had ever driven The Tank. The Tank is a 4 door suburban. Much larger then the pickup. You are up higher too. I like being bigger then a lot of cars on the road. To me that's a good thing. When we got back(from the longest trip of my life) she said she felt like The Tank was bigger then the road. I remember feeling that way when I was learning to drive. Dad had a Vega, Mom had a Buick. It was HUGE! I drove the Vega, hated the Buick.
I know where she is coming from. I just hope we live through it.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I am NOT eating that!
"I don't like mushrooms Mom, you know that."
Of course I know that. I know everything that she doesn't eat. I'm just a little sketchy on the stuff she WILL eat. She exists on Peanut Butter Sandwiches & cereal when I make stuff she doesn't like. Which is most of the time.
I was never one of those Moms who made each kid a different meal when they didn't like what I fixed. I hate cooking anyway, mostly because my family is so picky. I just figured they could eat Apple Sauce, Bread & Butter & Cheese if they chose not to eat what I fixed. Nobody has starved yet so my method must be working. I have yet to get a phone call from school telling me my child starved to death, so think I'm good.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Those "Mom of the Year" moments
Everyone has “Mom of the year” moments. We don’t like to admit it but we do. You know the ones I’m talking about. They are the ones that leave you looking & feeling extremely stupid. Usually in front of a crowd of people. This kind of stuff almost never happens when you are alone. They just wouldn’t be as effective then!
This proud moment happened to me yesterday. I was across the street chatting with the neighbor in her yard when I noticed someone walking a dog. It was a Yellow Lab & since I have one I always notice those. I could hear the dog breathing hard & it was pulling on the leash. I kept talking my friend & ignored the dog until it pulled its person into the yard where we were. The dog was very friendly & it looked like it needed to go on a diet. Or at the very least more walks. The dogs walker then asked if we knew who this dog belonged to. I took a closer look at the dog & said,”Crap, that’s my dog!” Yes it was Bailey the Wonder Dog. It was a proud moment for me because I didn’t even know she was gone.
Now lets flashback to earlier in the day. Around
As we all know Mom’s are very busy people & by the time I got back in the house the phone had rung & I forgot to look for the dog. Return to real time & there I am feeling very stupid in front of a girl I don't know & my neighbor. My neighbor thought this was very funny. I think she is still laughing.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Soup anyone?
I tried to explain that you don't drink dirty water that your butt sits in but she just didn't get it. She was extra dirty too. Yuck.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
I have a date!
Here is what happened last time we went shopping for a dance outfit.
Queenie is going to the Winter Formal at school. This requires a shopping trip because she has nothing to wear. Went Wednesday to
Leave the house at
Now I start with the "you have to find a shirt soon we have to go" speech. That went over like a fart in church. Back to Deb's where I threaten her with the "you only have 15 minutes to find a shirt" speech. She is now pissed & I am ready to kill her. Spend 2 days wandering around the store looking at prom dresses. Even found one I wanted to try on. Wait! What am I thinking we are here to get a shirt, where is she? Spot her wandering around. Threaten her again. Thought I saw a tear. Crap. Then I tell her we are going to Sears. It is the last store before the car. You HAVE to find a shirt in here or you will not have one. Yep there it is… an actual tear. Wonderful. Off I go into Sears with her trailing behind me. About 10 feet into the store there it is. Music goes off & light shines above the rack. It’s a red silky top. We both stop to look. Oh my God she likes it. I grab 2 sizes & drag her toward the changing room before she can change her mind. It’s more then I want to spend but at this point I don't care. When she has it on & STILL likes it I toss in the skirt. I might actually get lucky here. Well how is it? I hold my breath as she opens the door. She says the most beautiful words….. "I like it". I almost wet myself. You’re beautiful I say. She shuts the door & I send a prayer of thanks to the clothing Gods that I lived through this. She tosses out the skirt & top. I sprint toward the checkout to pay for it before she changes her mind.
Moral of story:
Skirt-$12.99
Top-$23.00
Shoes-$13.00
Necklace-$1.98
Bracelet-$1.98
Spending quality time with your 15 year old daughter......... PRICELESS
Friday, September 7, 2007
Mom always says don't play ball in the house.
Remember the Brady Bunch episode where they played basketball in the house & broke a vase? I think everyone has seen that one several times. This is our version of that story.
A few weeks ago I came home after spending all day at the hospital with my Father-in-law. Pookie was already home from work & was watching the girls play catch in the living room. Now I don't mind if they play catch in the house but you have to be careful. We do have ceiling fans. Do you see where I am going with this? I went into the kitchen & noticed that my wonderful children had not touched it all day. They just added to the mess. Here is a visual for you. Various My Little Ponies scattered all over the floor. Colored pencils & about 50 sheets of printer paper(all with a little scribble on each one) are everywhere. Apparently we have a little artist. Several pieces of plastic food from the Princess's kitchen litter the floor. 'Nuf said. Get the picture yet? Oh yea & the sink is overflowing with dishes. Both sides are heaping with dirty dishes & a glass is perched on top of the pile. I'm not exactly sure how it's staying up there. It's just plain scary in here. As I stand in the kitchen the girls wander in & start playing catch. The words be careful are not even out of my mouth when the Princess tosses the ball in the air. I watch helpless as the ceiling fan catches the ball & flings it over to the wall knocking the curtain rod off the window. See where this is going? The curtain rod falls into the sink hitting the glass that has been perched so nicely on top of the pile sending it crashing to the floor. Of course it smashed into a million tiny pieces. There is really nothing to do but laugh at this point. The princess is not wearing any shoes so we grab her & move her to the carpet. She is mad & starts to cry because she wants to help pick up the glass. I don't let her because I have spent enough quality time at the hospital today & I do not have time for a ER visit. It's a good thing that no one put the vacuum cleaner away last time they used it. That makes it really handy to clean up the mess. I even manage to clean it all up without cutting myself. After about 45 minutes I can see the floor. Before I can vacuum up all the glass I have to pick up all the toys & other stuff that is on the floor.
And that my friends is a perfectly good example of why your Mother always told you not to play ball in the house.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
I'm bored
Pookie didn't go to work today. I didn't think it was going to happen but he said he was going in today. My alarm went off at 6:30 & he is still in bed. He usually leaves around 6:30. I told him to stay home & off the ankle today. Then I got up to start the waking up process of 2 kids while he went back to sleep. Gotta love him.
Woke up Queenie & all I got was a grunt. Then off to wake up Spike. I get a much better response from him. He actually sits up & looks at me. Then back up to wake up Queenie again. This time I have success. I don't talk to her because I have learned this is a bad thing. She is NOT a morning person. Apparently that is why she slept til 1:00 everyday all summer. To avoid the morning. Good plan.
Got Queenie out the door on time & then later noticed that she forgot her lunch in the fridge. It's only day 4 of school & we are already forgetting our lunch. It's gonna be a great year.
Had to drive Spike to school today. He had this huge hockey bag full of Football pads & other football type stuff. It's bigger then he is & I'm pretty sure it weighs more. His bus is so crowded that they have to sit 3 kids to a seat. That means that this huge bag gets to ride on his lap. He begged for a ride today. So being the nice Mommy that I am I drove him. As I load the Princess into her car seat I notice that it is 8:15. School starts in 15 minutes. Wonderful, we are running late. So I am driving like a bat out of Hell(very safely & within the speed limit of course ) and as we drive past one of his friends(also on the football team) he says,"oh crap! I forgot my jersey." Great. I take the next turn & speed home. I ask him if he knows where it is. He yells,"yes" as he runs in to the house. He has a game today & was supposed to wear the Jersey. You would think that this would of crossed his mind last night when I told him to pick out his clothes for today. But then again he is 13 & a guy. That's 2 strikes against him. Poor kid.
Pookie is sitting in the recliner with ice on his ankle. He managed to take a shower without any help from me. I didn't hear any big thuds coming from the bathroom either. That means he didn't fall. Good. He hobbles out to the recliner & I start filling the ice pack. The Princess is playing Nancy Nurse & wrapping his other ankle in a Ace wrap. When I take the Ace wrap away so I can use it I give her 2 straps with Velcro on them. She is just as happy with those. What ever works. After I get him settled he tells me he is bored. This is great. Now I have to play Cruise Director today & keep him entertained. Like I have nothing else to do today. I left the Princess in charge of entertainment & left the room. I need to try to find a counter today. I am doing it slowly. I don't want to overwork myself. The Princess entertained him by watching Clifford, Dragon Tales, Calliou & Teletubbies. Where does she come up with these great ideas? I could of never provided that quality of entertainment on my own. Good thing she was here.
When my kids tell me they are bored I make them clean something. I am going to make him fold socks. I hate folding socks. We have a "SOCK BASKET" it's where I put all the socks when I fold clothes. Eventually we all dig through it for socks because no one wants to match them up.
"Oh Pookie I have a job for you."
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Serious Injury
So my wonderful Pookie drives on his rapidly swelling ankle to the ER. When he calls to tell me where he is he says,"I'm afraid to take my boot off."
Great. This already sounds good doesn't it? I picture him coming home(driving of course) with crutches & orders to stay home for a week. This is not good. Guys are whiny when they are sick. Oh stop, you know you are. And when they are not sick but have to stay home anyway they are worse.
This is really going to mess up my day. How can I lay on the couch in my robe eating BonBons & watching soaps if he is going to be home? Usually I get the kids out the door & then the Princess & I lounge around eating chocolate & giving directions to the maids(notice the s on the end of Maid) till 1ish then she takes a nap. Then I shower & get dressed cause it looks bad if you are still in your jammies when the kids come home from school. Pookie is really gonna mess this up for me.
Ha! I wish! In my dreams I would have a maid or 2 or 6. The lounging around in my jammies all day has actually happened. Not recently though. And I also think I had the flu. Because every Mom knows that in order to stay in your jammies & lounge around all day you have to be sick. Not just a little sick but A LOT sick. Sick with fluid coming out of every orifice you own sick. Ok well you get the picture.
I'm off to bed. Well first I have to make sure that anything that looks like food or could be used as a food substitute is hung from the ceiling. Bailey the Wonder Dog will be on the prowl tonight. Looking I'm sure, for anything that she didn't eat today.
Bailey the Wonder Dog
This same dog ate a bar of soap last week. Yes a whole bar. It was Dove in case you want to know. Then she threw it up in the Princess's room. She is a big dog so use your imagination on how big the pile was. As I was cleaning it up I couldn't figure out why it was so bubbly. At this point I have no idea what she ate. Sometimes I think she just pukes to give me something to do. It is always on a carpet too. They do that on purpose. Later that night Queenie wakes me up in the middle of the night(I have no idea why she was up in the middle of the night & I didn't ask) to tell me that the dog threw up twice downstairs in the family room. On the rug of course.
She said,"I think she ate a bar of soap."
Light bulb goes on. That's why it was so bubbly. I told her I would deal with it tomorrow. There was no way I was getting out of bed to clean up dog puke. It will wait for me.
Now this is not the first time this dog has eaten soap. She is 7 & in her lifetime she has probably eaten 10 bars of soap. It is really irritating when I put a brand new bar in the tub & she eats it. We didn't even get it wet yet! I am going to have to contact Dove to see what they put in their soap to make it so tasty. You would think that after the first bite she would realize that this doesn't taste very good. But no. Not the Wonder Dog. She will eat ANYTHING & she has proven it in the past.
Here is a list of things I know she has eaten over the years:
Dove soap
Bread, including the wrapper-any kind not picky
crayons
markers
plastic butter bowls licked clean of any butter
electric cord off a heater(not plugged in at the time)
peanut butter jars
tennis shoes
She has also figured out where the bread drawer is. If we leave any of the wrapper hanging out of the drawer she will work at it until she manages to get the whole drawer open & clean it out. The kids are famous for this. Who knew?
Did I mention I love havin' a dog?
Do you have a Wonder Dog like mine?
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Cast of Characters
Today is the first day of school. Yea! I did the Happy Dance as soon as I was sure they couldn't see me. I don't think I was the only one doing the Happy Dance. I thought I saw one of my neighbors dance by her window. I have big plans today. I am going to clean house. We have had a lot going on in the past 3 weeks. My FIL had to be hospitalized so lots of time was spent in the hospital visiting him & keeping Mom company. My house suffered because of it. I'm glad I was able to spend as much time in the hospital with him as I did, but no one took up the slack here at the house. Of course I did not leave COMPLETE instructions(I mean directions) for my 4 kids. So it's my fault. My kids are 18,15,13 & 3. Yes I know the last one was a surprise. We love her dearly but she was the biggest shock of my lifetime!
Now in my dreams my wonderful kids cleaned the house & made dinner all while lovingly watching over their baby sister. Ha! Like that happened. This is what really happened.
Cast of Characters:
Smitty-18 years old
He likes to work on cars & get really messy & greasy. Then he cleans up in his bathroom leaving all of the grease all over the sink. He will tell you that he can put in the new motor or whatever it is & it will only take 5 minutes. His idea & my idea of 5 minutes are not the same. Mine is actually 5 minutes & his is about a week.
Queenie-15
She is the teenage drama Queen. She is sometimes so sweet I wonder what happened to my real daughter. Then I ask her to pass the salt & the real Queenie stands up. She can have a melt down over the dumbest(I mean most crucial) stuff. You know the type. She has also spent most of the summer sleeping. This is the same kid that didn't want to go to Drum Corp camp because she would waste her summer. Huh?
Spike-13
He is a pretty easy going kid. Loves to play football & run track. Most of the time he will do what you ask him to without having a fit about it.
Princess-3
Otherwise known as "Her Royal Highness". We Know who really rules the house & it's not me. A few months before her 3rd birthday she began telling anyone who would listen that she was going to be a "True Princess" on her birthday. Not just your everyday ordinary princess but a TRUE princess. Now this is a chick who knows what she wants!
Back to my hospital visits. I wake up Spike & tell him that he has to keep an eye on the Princess because I have to go to the hospital. I will be gone all day so please remember to feed her lunch & put her down for a nap. then it starts. "I'm not gonna watch her all by myself you have to make Queenie help." I go to wake up Queenie & all I get is a grunt from somewhere under the covers. All I can see of her is a toe. When I tell her to get up she whines at me. I love this. Then I ask her to at least move to the couch so the Princess is not alone in the living room. So she drags all her covers off her bed & goes to sleep on the couch. Not exactly what I had in mind but it will work. Then I make sure Spike is up. Someone should really be up & moving before I leave the house. Smitty works all day so he is not an option here. I leave & am gone most of the day. I check in several times & yes they did remember to feed the Princess & put her down for a nap. Good. But later when I come home I find all of Queenie's blankets still on the couch & the house looking like it threw up. Apparently Queenie slept until almost 1:00. Just in time to put the Princess down for her nap. Then of course there was nothing to do so she chatted online to her friends who were just getting up too. I wanna be 15 again!
So today I am trying to find the house. It is also the day I change the sheets on everyones beds. I tried having the kids change their own sheets but that didn't work out. Yep you guessed it, they didn't change them at all. Yuck. So know whether they need it or not all sheets get changed every week. My washer is working overtime today!
I have spent enough time playing around now I have to finish cleaning or at least make it look like I did something before the kids & DH get home.