Monday, April 28, 2008

How long is forever?

I had a very busy weekend. All week long I have been going through the boys room throwing stuff away & cleaning. Because Spike had thrown up everywhere last Friday I really wanted to empty out the whole room & wash the walls & shampoo the carpet. It really needed it. It was actually kind of embarrassing how dirty it was in there. When we moved the dressers & the desk there was spider webs of dust all over the walls. Yuck. What kind of Mom am I? Letting my kids sleep in a room that dirty? The Queen of Clean( whoever she is) should be rolling over in her grave.
I was up early on Saturday so I could get everything out & wash walls. I loaded up Smitty's dresser & desk so Queenie could take them to the dumpster. They were falling apart anyway. Now that Smitty was gone we didn't need them. Then Spike & I got the beds out. What a lot of work! I was taking a break upstairs when who walks into the house but Smitty! He's home. To stay.

After a huge hug(the best one yet I have to say) I asked him what he was doing here & he said it was different down there & he didn't like it. I guess in 7 days you can tell if you like living somewhere or not. Who knew. Most people go on vacation longer then that. He had perfect timing. I was boxing up his stuff. After all he went to Oklahoma to live forever. Spike didn't need all his stuff cluttering up his room. AND I had just thrown out his dresser & desk just a few hours ago. I think he was shocked! I would of been.

I am glad that he is back home. Now maybe he will follow my plan of getting an apartment a few blocks away. That I can deal with.

But on the plus side I now know how long forever is. It's 7 days. So if your kid says he's gonna run away forever don't panic, it will only be for 7 days. In that time you can clean his room & get rid of all the stuff you could never figure out why he was keeping. It could turn out to be a good thing!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Car Lingerie

My new Stealth Mobile came with Lingerie. I've never owned a vehicle that wore Lingerie before. The tank just wouldn't look right in a bra. It would probably look like 10 lbs of potatoes stuffed in a 5 lb sack. Not a good look. But the Stealth Mobile somehow manages to pull it off. This poses a whole bunch of questions for me.
*Where do you buy lingerie for cars?
*Is there a special Fredericks of Hollywood for Cars?
*Can I get a catalog?
*Do I have to change the style for the weather?
*How do I tell what size it is?
*Can it wear White after Labor Day?

This is all to confusing.

Now because the car is sporting a bra I have no idea how to take it through the car wash. Do I have to remove the bra first & then go through the car wash or do all cars shower while wearing their lingerie? I have no idea. None of my friends knew either. Apparently their cars don't wear lingerie. Pookie & I had a discussion about it last night & decided that we should take it off before giving the car a shower. Great plan how do you get it off? I opened the hood & looked at the confusing mess of straps & was just gonna forget the whole thing when Pookie noticed 2 hooks that we could just unhook & take the whole thing off. Easy Peasy.
This morning I decided that while The Princess & I were out we would take the Stealth Mobile through the car wash. I removed the bra in the driveway & she went braless all over town while I did my errands. I felt so naughty!
I have to wash the bra before it goes back on. Again I have more questions.
*How do I wash it?
*In the sink with dish soap?
*In the machine on the delicate cycle?
*Do I have to buy Woolite?
*Can it go into the dryer or will it shrink?

There is way too much thinkin' involved in this. I don't think this much when I take a shower & wash my clothes. I get up, shower & put on something clean. If nothing is clean I put on something that still looks pretty good & doesn't have a real bad smell to it. Oh & I add extra deodorant too. Can't hurt right?

Enjoy the weather everyone. It's finally starting to get nice here. Might have to go braless myself. Nope, forget that. My boobs are no longer "perky". Without a bra to keep them in check they turn into an Ostrich. They try to bury themselves in the ground. That's not a good look for me. Guess I'll have to squash my dream of being a Pole Dancer in Vegas. Long floppy boobs are not the "in" thing.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

1 down 3 to go

Smitty finally moved out. I had big plans for him. He was going to move out & share an apartment with a friend. This apartment was only gonna be a few blocks from the house so his father & I could pop in often without notice & surprise him. Then in a few years he was gonna get married & buy the house around the corner. Sounds perfect no? Well I neglected to inform him of my plans. He told us he was moving to Oklahoma. WHAT?? That was not in my plans at all. Not for any of my kids. They are all staying close. After all don't they love me? Why would they move to Oklahoma? I'm not there.
This all happened pretty fast. He wasn't getting the hours he needed at his job. A friend from Oklahoma(I'll give him an Indian name...Taker of Son) called to chat & Smitty was telling him how the job was going. Taker of Son told Smitty that his neighbor was the guy who hired people & he would have him call. Well he did & told him to come down & he would have a job. Being 19 Smitty thought what the hell, I'll go. Can't really blame him. Every 18/19 yr old wants to move out. But Oklahoma? He should of talked to me first. Instead he made a executive decision all by himself & decided he would go. Huh?
When he told us I was floored. Again because this was not my plan at all. I asked when this big event was gonna take place. He told us on Tuesday & he said he was leaving on Saturday. What? No way. You are not leaving that soon. Of course I didn't say that out loud.
He quit his job on Thursday & said goodbye in person to both sets of Grands. It was all he had time for. He packed his truck with all of his important things. Clothes, computer & Xbox. Since he will be staying with Taker of Son for a while he didn't need any furniture.
I held it together very well I thought while he packed & did last minute stuff. I slept awful Friday night & was up at 4:45am(yep AM) to say goodbye. He finished loading the truck & came up for that last goodbye hug & I lost it. As I am watching him drive away I am standing on the porch sobbing. That's not really a good look for me either. I went back to bed cried for about an hour & finally slept a little. No one told me it was gonna hurt this much. My first born was just ripped from my loins. It hurt when he was born too, but not like this. He is bigger now so it hurts more. I had a few more meltdowns on Saturday. But didn't have time for too many because I was kept busy because of Spike. He knew that I would be sad so as a parting gift to Smitty he got the flu. Spike sleeps on the top bunk & woke up & had an uh-oh moment.(when you have an uh-oh moment on the top bunk it's already to late) He puked all over his bed & Smitty's head. Personally I think it was a payback for taking the Xbox. I had so much laundry to do I really didn't have lots of time to be sad.
I think I'm gonna be ok. It will take awhile to adjust to only having 3 kids at home. But being "Super Mom" I'll adjust quickly I'm sure. *sob,sob,sob,gut wrenching sob* I'll be fine really. *sniff,sniff, blow, sob, sob*

Monday, April 21, 2008

It's official, I'm a grown-up

We got our income tax back. When we got them back my first thought was "Great,I can fill all the vehicles up to the top with gas". That's what we did. What ever happened to "oh we got our taxes back, what cool thing are we gonna buy?" I knew it was "official grown up thinking" that made me do that. In the past we have put on a deck & bought a new tv. All fun stuff. My "fun stuff" thinking has been replaced with paying bills before going out, paying bills before eating out & just paying bills. I did not sign up for that! I signed up for a loving husband, adoring kids & a lovely squeaky clean house. I got the loving husband, I got the kids but they are not the adoring ones that worship the ground I walk on that I asked for. As for the squeaky clean house well that's not happening either. I need a maid for that cause obviously I'm not cut out to clean house. There just isn't time to clean the house in between all my laying on the couch in my robe & eating bon bons. By the time I'm finished eating all my bon bons I'm to tired to clean the house. Pookie isn't very understanding about that at all. What does he know. I need my "me time" ya know.

I don't want to be a grown-up any more. There is too much to worry about. All the paying bills, who has to be where at what time & who's gonna get them there, the cooking, the cleaning(or not cleaning), the laundry. If my Mom had told me what being married & being a parent all involved I would of never done it.

Oh who am I kidding, I wouldn't of believed her & done it anyway. And some days being a grown-up is not all bad. But some days it really sucks.

National White Leg Day

Yesterday was National White Leg day. For those of you who don't recognize the Holiday it's when you put on shorts for the first time after the long,long,long, long(we really had a long one this year)long winter. You climb into those shorts for the first time. Make sure your shirt is all tucked in, take a quick look in the mirror to make sure you are all put together, then you see it. Those glow in the dark, pale pasty white legs. Good Lord! You can't go outside looking like that! Then you think I'll just use some of that spray on tan until my legs actually get some color. Then you realize you don't have any & you would have to leave the house to get some. That's not happening. You are not going outside looking like this. Someone might see you.. While you are standing in front of the mirror looking at your pale pasty white legs & feeling miserable your kid yells "Mom come play outside with me!" You IS a really nice day outside, maybe if I just stay in the back yard no one will see me. Then you head out the front door to play in the front yard with your kid, cause after all nothing in more important then playing with your kid. Even if your legs are pale pasty white.

They will get some color eventually.

Friday, April 4, 2008

My new car

I got a new car. Well not brand new but a 1999. So far besides my trailer it's the newest thing we own. And I get it! That's how it works. Husband & wife buy a new car the wife automatically gets it & the husband gets the old one. We had been talking about getting me a car(it's the whole cheaper on gas thing) but I wasn't sure what I wanted. I haven't driven a car in 15 years. We sort of fell into this one. It was a good deal so we bought it. Originally we thought we would go look at it for Queenie, but as soon as I saw it I decided it was way to nice for her. I wanted it.
It has a keyless entry thing but it didn't work. Well since I've never had one of those before I had to get it fixed. Turns out I needed a new one. I went to the car dealer, found out they had them in stock but if I came back the next day I could get it programed for free. Sold. Then I tell Pookie who decided that I could get one much cheaper off Ebay. I let him look knowing all along I was going back to the car dealer to get it. Why start an argument.

Here is what I'm gonna tell the bill collectors when they call for money:

Bill collector:Hello ma'am this is the bill collectors. We need money.

Me:I don't have any. I just bought a car.

BC:Oh, was your old one in an accident?

Me:No. I just wanted one.

BC:Oh you must have some money you could give us.

Me:Well I do have some left but I need it to buy a new key thingie for the car.

BC:Did your car come without a key?

Me:Of course not. Why would I be stupid enough to buy a car without a key. This is for the keyless entry thingie so I can just push a button to lock it, open the trunk or beep the horn.

BC:Does the key work?

Me:Of course it does.

BC:Then why do you need a button thingie?

Me:Because I want one.

BC:But the key works right?


BC:I think you should send your money to us & pay off some bills. That would be better then a key thingie.

Me:No it wouldn't. Do you have any idea how many people drive tiny black cars? I'll never find it in the parking lot. Besides this one is special. It's stealth.

BC:Did you have to pay extra for that?

Me:Nope, just came with the car, cool huh?

BC:Does your husband know about the key thingie?

Me:Yes, but he thinks I should wait & get a cheaper one. But I don't wanna wait. I want to pay double & get it right now. Cause I'm worth it.

BC:I can't argue with a women. Have a good day ma'am.